addicted to
i'm not here to win
i'm here to leave a legacy
it's the passion that drives you
endorphins
pain
exhaustion
chasing this insane dream
perfection
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been feeling so lethargic and so so so tired lately. i don't even know why. it's annoying.. feeling so drained and unable to finish things i am supposed to.
back to the part of the "emo cycle" whereby i feel that everything i'm doing is so meaningless. like lishan said "we all need a purpose in life". have yet to find mine. after finishing the MOE survey i really wonder what on earth i will be doing during my working years. nothing seems to excite me. there was a point in time where "landscape management" sounded super fun, but after hearing how low my CEP will be and how unorthodox and risky and whatever it is, i don't think i would want to pursue such a job interest. maybe i'll end up being a homeless bum... living in a cardboard box by the roadside and begging for money.
i hate myself for being me. like.. why am i like this? why aren't i that much better.. why is it that a lot of the things i do seem to be so selfish and wrong and just.. horrible.
i used to have this unbelievable resolve. but it disappeared along with a lot of other things and i guess i never got it back. what exactly am i supposed to be working towards? good A level results? then what? more years of slogging for some kind of degree? then?
it's amazing how one can just live life like this.. with no real purpose.
agh. what am i doingggg...